Penance.

I'm very nervous about Penance. In some ways, confessing is going to be the hardest thing I do in this journey. I've peppered my RCIA leaders with questions about it, asking if I have to confess all my sins I've ever committed, but that's really a cover. In my heart, I know what sins I need to confess. I just don't want to do it.

My biggest sins are not against other people, although I certainly have plenty of those. I honestly don't think I have sinned mortally against another person; my mortal sins all seem to be against myself and God.

The problem with preparing myself for confession is keeping despair away. Taking stock of my sins is important, but it's hard and occasionally I feel overwhelmed. I feel like there is nothing I can do to atone for these things, and then I remember that yes, that's true, and it's the whole point of this Christian thing. Someone else did it for me.