Schlocking towards Bethlehem
Constantine is not a particularly good movie. It's certainly not a theologically sound movie. And yet somehow, it turned into a profound religious experience for me.
In Constantine, the main character is a man who committed suicide as a teenager. He went to hell, but was revived after two minutes, and now lives convinced of his own damnation while simultaneously trying to buy his way back into heaven by battling demons. I literally cried through the entire second half of the movie, which is ridiculous. I never, ever cry at movies.
For the past few weeks, I've accounting for my sins. I've made lists, I've prayed for guidance, I've contemplated all the lies I've told and that bagel I ate at work last week that I never paid for. Through all of this I'd missed the biggest sin I ever committed, a sin so great that it may have damaged me physically and spiritually for the rest of my life. I forgot about the suicide attempt.
How could I forget about this? Maybe it was because I considered it a symptom of my depression, and therefore didn't consider it a sin. The more likely explanation, however, is that I knew that repenting for this particular sin would be really, really painful, and I just didn't want to deal with it.
Somehow this movie shocked me into recognizing the enormity of this sin I have on my chest. For the first time, I truly realized that if I had died that day, I would have gone to hell. There is a rift between me and God that I have not even begun to repair. If it was possible to go to confession at 10:30 on a Tuesday night, I would have been there the moment the movie let out.
All this thanks to a movie starring Keanu Reeves. Like the movie says, He works in mysterious ways.
In Constantine, the main character is a man who committed suicide as a teenager. He went to hell, but was revived after two minutes, and now lives convinced of his own damnation while simultaneously trying to buy his way back into heaven by battling demons. I literally cried through the entire second half of the movie, which is ridiculous. I never, ever cry at movies.
For the past few weeks, I've accounting for my sins. I've made lists, I've prayed for guidance, I've contemplated all the lies I've told and that bagel I ate at work last week that I never paid for. Through all of this I'd missed the biggest sin I ever committed, a sin so great that it may have damaged me physically and spiritually for the rest of my life. I forgot about the suicide attempt.
How could I forget about this? Maybe it was because I considered it a symptom of my depression, and therefore didn't consider it a sin. The more likely explanation, however, is that I knew that repenting for this particular sin would be really, really painful, and I just didn't want to deal with it.
Somehow this movie shocked me into recognizing the enormity of this sin I have on my chest. For the first time, I truly realized that if I had died that day, I would have gone to hell. There is a rift between me and God that I have not even begun to repair. If it was possible to go to confession at 10:30 on a Tuesday night, I would have been there the moment the movie let out.
All this thanks to a movie starring Keanu Reeves. Like the movie says, He works in mysterious ways.
posted by Catherine the Moody at 7:23 AM
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