Geek for God.

I have an amazing capacity for obsession. I come from a long line of geeks, and by either nature or nurture, I inherited the tendency to have my thoughts taken over by one thing. True to geek form, this was always something rather trite. The X-Files, for instance, dominated my thoughts and life for the better part of three years. There were other, higher ones, like W.H. Auden, but overall, my obsessions have been restricted to TV shows and maudlin rock musicians.

When I started on my conversion, I decided to stop all that. I made a promise to God that I would offer all the energy I had wasted to him.

I was inspired, in part, by a story I read once that was meant to illustrate the Hindu concept of Bhakti Marg, or the way to god through love: a man loved his wife very much, but he was smothering her. He was obsessively keeping track of where she was at all times, showering her with gifts, and thinking about her incessantly. She finally said to him, "If you loved God the way you love me, you'd be the holiest man alive."

I figured that if I loved God the way I loved X-Files, I'd be on the right track.

The other day I was talking to a friend I haven't spoken with in a while. Knowing me rather well, she asked what I was obsessed with this month. I thought for a moment, and then I realized: Catholicism. I am obsessed with Catholicism.

I have other interests, to be sure, but no obsession except God and the Church. How did I do this?

I didn't. It was God taking root in my heart. All I did was ask.